Tarot Reading - April 5, 2021

The Chariot (Reversed) 

REVERSED: Self-discipline, opposition, lack of direction

At times, the reversed Chariot is a warning that you are letting obstacles and challenges get in the way, preventing you from achieving what you set out to do. It’s all getting too hard, and you don’t have the will to go on. If that resonates, stop for a moment and think about the things that matter most to you and why you want to achieve this goal. Will you allow other people’s opinions to sway you or give up as soon as the going gets tough? Or will you follow through on your commitment?

Before taking action, the reversed Chariot may be a hint that you are focusing your energy and attention on your internal processes, such as self-discipline, inner determination, and personal commitment. You may home in on the intentions that align with your Higher Self. Or, you can use visualization and meditation to make sure your energy aligns with your goals. These internally focused actions are essential so that when the time comes to act, you will be ready.

If you are someone who likes to have command over your destiny and know where you are heading, take this opportunity to tighten the reins and become more disciplined in what you are doing. The key is to look at what you can control and what you cannot. Do not allow yourself to worry about what is out of your grasp as you cannot change it now. Instead, focus your energies on what IS in your control. Examine what you can do to improve the situation.

Similarly, the Chariot reversed suggests that you may be trying to manage every minute detail in your life – but in doing so, you feel even more out of control. Loosen your grip and let things run their course. Be open to offers of help and then be grateful for what you receive, even if it’s not perfectly aligned with your expectations. You do not always have to be in the driver’s seat!

Three of Cups

UPRIGHT: Celebration, friendship, creativity, collaborations.

The Three of Cups is a card of celebration, friendship, sisterhood, and creative collaborations. Your friends and family are here to support you and lift you up to even higher levels of success. Celebrate with them and enjoy their camaraderie.

When the Three of Cups appears in a Tarot reading, you are encouraged to gather with your closest friends and have a good time together, talking, laughing, sharing, and creating. Together, you give and receive the love, support, and compassion each of you needs from one another. You may be inspired to host a girls’ night out, a weekend away, or start a women’s circle so you can join forces with like-minded people. The energy is high, and you’re here to do amazing things together.

The Three of Cups often indicates a very sociable period – perhaps a birthday, a wedding, the holiday season or a vacation with friends. See it as your opportunity to let your hair down and forget about your day-to-day commitments and obligations for a while. Instead, spend quality time with friends and family and enjoy yourself!

Four of Cups

UPRIGHT: Meditation, contemplation, apathy, reevaluation.

The Four of Cups can appear when you are bored or dissatisfied with your everyday life. You may feel disengaged, apathetic, or unmotivated – maybe life has become dull. The Four of Cups invites you to bring your attention inward and re-evaluate your situation to find a deeper meaning in what you do. You may have found yourself disconnected from your emotional self and inner truth, and need to re-establish this connection so you can get a greater sense of purpose and direction. Now could be an excellent time to switch off from the distractions of the external world – social media, the news, and other people’s stories – to allow you the space to listen to your own voice and inner knowing and gain more clarity.

The Fool

UPRIGHT: Beginnings, innocence, spontaneity, a free spirit

The Fool is a card of new beginnings, opportunity, and potential. Just like the young man, you are at the outset of your journey, standing at the cliff‘s edge, and about to take your first step into the unknown. Even though you don’t know exactly where you are going, you are being called to commit yourself and follow your heart, no matter how crazy this leap of faith might seem to you. Now is a time when you need to trust where the Universe is taking you.

As you undertake this new journey, the Fool encourages you to have an open, curious mind and a sense of excitement. Throw caution to the wind and be ready to embrace the unknown, leaving behind any fear, worry, or anxiety about what may or may not happen. This is about new experiences, personal growth, development, and adventure.

This is an excellent card to meditate on if you are struggling with dread, worry, or self-doubt in your life. The Fool is your guide, as someone who is daring and carefree. He is the embodiment of who you really are – your free spirit, your inner child, and your playful soul. Any time you experience fear, remember the essence of the Fool as he encourages you to acknowledge that fear and do it anyway! You never know what the future holds, but like the Fool, you must step into the unknown, trusting that the Universe will catch you and escort you along the way. Take a chance and see what happens.

Oldie but a Goodie: The Slow Burning Fire to Change

This is a pretty old piece I wrote a few years ago but every time I go back to my old writings I'm just like ??? wow maybe I'm actually good at this. Read below.

Shadow Work Prompt #1

I'm going to be working my way through some shadow work prompts in an effort to dive deeper into myself and learn more about my shadow. I've noticed a lot of things about myself recently that I think are shadow-related and I want to work on eradicating them. 

1. How does envy show up in my life? Where does the envy that I'm feeling stem from? 

Envy, for me, shows up in a couple of different ways: attention and success. They both go hand in hand and stem from each other. 

I get very envious of attention and when people are in the spotlight and I'm not. I feel like this stems from me being an only child until I was 11 and then that was changed and I no longer was the center of attention. So, when the attention is not on me and when I feel pushed to the side or not recognized, I get very envious. 

I also get envious of other people's success. I think this stems from me always working so hard, but feeling stagnant all the time. I feel like I'm constantly pushing myself to do better, but it never hits the mark. I know in my heart that I am successful and that I don't need outside recognition. 

How would I feel if I obtained the things I'm envious of?

Attention/having the spotlight:

If I obtained this, it would definitely have to be something I worked hard for and not just for no reason at all. I know the people I get jealous of who is in the spotlight 9 times out of 10 deserve that recognition because of how hard they work and the things they've accomplished. 

Other people's success:

I feel like I have obtained success and I need to do better at realizing my own success and let other people have their moment. 

All in all, I just need to get over myself and be happy for other people and realize everything I have right in front of me. 

Tarot Reading - March 28, 2021

I got a really intense urge to pull out my tarot cards today. I haven't touched my cards in months so this was a really profound feeling for me. Information is pulled from Biddy Tarot.

Here's what I pulled:

Queen of Cups

UPRIGHT: Compassionate, caring, emotionally stable, intuitive, inflow.

The Queen of Cups says you are highly intuitive, creative, and in flow with the surrounding energies. You know when something is ‘off’, and you pay attention to this, even if it doesn’t make rational sense.

When the Queen of Cups appears in a Tarot reading, you are being asked to trust your intuition and pay attention to your feelings and emotions. Lead with your heart, not your head. Be open to receive the intuitive messages flowing to you, be it through your dreams, meditation or visualization. And ‘feel the feels’, even if those feelings are tricky or challenging. You are stronger than you know.

High Priestess (Reversed)

REVERSED: Secrets, disconnected from intuition, withdrawal and silence

The reversed High Priestess calls on you to be still and direct your attention inward to listen to your voice and wisdom. You may be swayed by other people’s opinions or swept up in their drama when what you really need to do is focus on what is right for you. It is time to get quiet and withdraw yourself from the external world to observe what your inner guidance is sharing with you now. Have faith in the Universe and allow yourself to be in flow with its energies. Surrender and let go.

Think of the High Priestess as the calm center inside of you that is untouched by your external world and trust that she is always there when you need her. Whenever you worry that things are just getting too crazy, find a quiet space and meditate so you can hear her voice. 

Finally, the secretive nature of the High Priestess may suggest gossip and hidden agendas. Others may be keeping information from you or talking about you behind your back and sharing mistruths. Rather than making assumptions or diving into the depths of paranoia, have an open and honest conversation to surface and address these secrets.

Five of Wands (Reversed)

REVERSED: Inner conflict, conflict avoidance, tension release

The Five of Wands reversed is like a sigh of relief after a struggle. You are no longer up against so much competition and can just ‘be.’ On a more personal level, you have worked through your anger and hostility and feel more secure in your relationships. You do not have to prove yourself anymore.

Ace of Swords

UPRIGHT: Breakthroughs, new ideas, mental clarity, success

See this card as a sign of encouragement. It says your mind is in 'expansion mode’. You are open to embracing new ideas, craving stimulation, and you’ll jump at the next opportunity to learn something new. You thrive on new ideas, inspiration, original thinking, and vision, and you are excited to pursue new opportunities that draw upon your creative and intellectual abilities.

As an Ace, you are at the beginning of the journey, but you can sense the energy building up and can’t wait to get started. If you channel this energy into the right moves, then you will succeed in your endeavors.

As with all Swords cards, the Ace of Swords represents power; but the sword is a double-edged blade, implying that it can create and destroy. The message is clear: with power comes responsibility. It will be up to you how you leverage the opportunity for the greater good of all rather than for selfish or aggressive power. You will need a strong heart and mind and need to see how to best use your power for the service of others and yourself.

The Ace of Swords also encourages you to pursue the truth of the matter and to find justice. You have great clarity on the situation and can now argue your point of view with truth and conviction. In other words, you are ready for battle.

Major themes of this pull:

I am intuitive of my surroundings and the things going on around me. It is possible that my strong feelings of deceit and secrets are accurate. My intuition is strong and is my biggest asset and I need to stay calm to keep that intuitive voice loud and clear. A struggle has been released and new energy is building and new opportunities are on the horizon. But, I must stay grounded in order to serve myself and others and raise everyone up. 

How this reading applies to my life right now:

I feel like this pull is telling me to keep to myself and that my intuition is very spot on right now. I've had the feeling that someone around me has alternate motives, and that makes me really, really nervous. Maybe it's PTSD from earlier events of this year but I think it's best that I keep my head down and just keep moving and not get myself involved in any more drama. I have been feeling very quiet and introspective the last few days so I'm taking this as a sign to run with it and get my shit done and to continue to go inwards. 

There has been a huge release of tension and it has me feeling very light and airy and like I can finally be myself and not have to be scared to speak up and be the person that I really am. It's been one of the heaviest weights lifted off of me in a long time and has been a good thing for many people. 

New energies and opportunities are definitely on the rise with events coming back - which are a huge factor in my field of work. Being able to socialize and network in person will definitely open more doors and deepen so many of the relationships that I've made over the past year while being quarantined. 

There's a possibility that I might be moving into some new roles with my job soon, thus opening the opportunity for more power and for me handling the double-edged sword. I can definitely see how I would need to be cognizant of my power and what I use it and that I need to use it for good of not just myself, but for others as well. 

All in all, this was a very accurate and reassuring pull. The universe had to tell me that I was right about some things that I was feeling and what I need to do in order to succeed over the next few weeks. 

Bullet points of what I need to do: (because I won't want to go back and read all of that lol)

  • keep to myself and keep going inward
  • trust my intuition - it's my biggest asset
  • meditate to stay in touch with my inner calm
  • be wary of people who may have hidden motives
  • embrace new ideas and keep expanding
  • prepare for changing and building energies 
  • lean into and embrace the recent release of tension and hostility
  • use my abilities to serve myself and others

Monthly Renewal Diary #1


My period is something that I've struggled with...my whole life. From debilitating migraines to cramps to not getting my period at all, I've been through it. I want to start logging my period experiences in hopes of learning more about my body and what it's doing that that I can work with it more and hopefully eventually have a pain-free period and get off birth control. 

Last month, I was so stressed out that I only spotted and never properly bled. So this month, I'm embracing every symptom, every headache, every tear that I shed in hopes of properly bleeding and letting my body renew itself. I am blessed to start fresh every month and plan on leaning into it as much as possible. 

My body has been through quite the hormonal journey and I think that is definitely affecting everything in my being. The constant consumption of hormones that my body doesn't make has thrown me for a loop and has caused my body to close up and turn in on itself. 

I need my body to open. I need her to embrace herself and bleed back into the world. The world has injected so much into me that I need to give back to her through my body. I never thought I would be begging my body to bleed, but here I am. 

The female body needs to bleed in order to renew. It's simple biology. 

By bleeding, we are not only renewing our uterus, but we are renewing our entire body, hormone system, and mindset. The female hormone cycle is a month-long process, with bleeding be the start of a new cycle. 

It's a time for new beginnings, new ideas, new creativity. 

Quarantine Me

Quarantine Me is so very different from the me who was existing before the world shut itself inside. 

Quarantine Me is very judgey, jumps to conclusions sometimes, and is having a hard time thinking that we will ever get out of this. 

Quarantine Me has a hard time organizing and dealing with my thoughts, as they are my only friend and the only ones I have to talk to most of the time. 

Quarantine Me craves vacation, but that's now basically illegal and frowned upon, especially since I work from home and have the freedom to work in my pajamas. 

Quarantine Me doesn't seem interested in the things I used to love. 

Quarantine Me doesn't see the point anymore. 

Quarantine Me is ready for the world to start living again so I can rediscover myself again. 

Maybe that was the point of Quarantine Me. To lose myself to intensely, that I can refind myself all over again.

I wonder who I will be this time. 

Stream of Consciousness: Lifelong Love Story

Working on healing the nasty things within me has caused me to turn around and look at my past. I don't know if it's because the girl I was then had these same issues and my current self is relating to her or what. That could be it for sure. 

I had a very turbulent relationship in college that shaped me forever. The abuse, manipulation, and the coming of age that happened within me during my college years is something that I will cherish forever. I had to go through some really traumatic things to be the person that I am today. I had to be told I was dumb, stupid, not pretty enough, an annoyance, and more to become who I finally am today. And now that those feelings are coming up organically within me, I'm looking back at the time when they came from an outside source to see how I can handle them better internally. 

Back then, I let any negative talk take over completely, so much so that I eventually lost every bit of resemblance to myself internally. I look at pictures of myself back then and feel nauseous because I don't know who that girl is at all. And, I'm terrified that's happening to me right now. I don't want to look back at myself in two years and be sickened by the girl I see.

But now, I have the mental strength to stop myself and say "hey that isn't nice to say to yourself" or say "you shouldn't think that about that person because you really don't know their situation". I now have the knowledge and strength to see things from a different perspective and not be so judgemental or not so much in my head. 

It's going to be a never-ending journey, but the journey to comes into your full self never really stops does it? It's a lifelong love story. Never-ending, always evolving, eternally loving. 

Time For The Real Me

2020 really sent me to an internal place that I've really come to disdain. I feel so judgemental, negative, and down all the time, and in return, feel like those ugly thoughts and feelings have begun to reflect on the outside. 

With unlimited time to think and overthink and makeup stories in my head, I began to believe them. I began to believe that people were trying to step on my toes and push me out of my spot; I began to believe that were talking about me behind my back; I began to believe I wasn't being included in certain friend groups and conversations. 

While some of those things have turned out to be true, I need to stop letting them affect me so much. I used to never let other's words or lack thereof affect me like this. I never was too in need of being accepted, but I am now. I want everyone to like and love me outwardly when I don't think that was the case before. Maybe it was, and the constant insolation has tricked me into thinking that no one likes me and has caused me to hate myself. 

I've lost the real me and I want her back. So, in an effort to do that, I'm going back to the things I know and love and am going to ignore the people that have caused these thoughts within myself. From now on, they are just coworkers, and I am me. 

I am hardworking, spiritual, loving, beautiful, kind, smart, funny and I love myself. 

That will be my new morning mantra. 

It's time to get this ugly version of myself out of my body that my mind invented and embrace the beautiful one again. 

That is my new life intention.