Time For The Real Me

2020 really sent me to an internal place that I've really come to disdain. I feel so judgemental, negative, and down all the time, and in return, feel like those ugly thoughts and feelings have begun to reflect on the outside. 

With unlimited time to think and overthink and makeup stories in my head, I began to believe them. I began to believe that people were trying to step on my toes and push me out of my spot; I began to believe that were talking about me behind my back; I began to believe I wasn't being included in certain friend groups and conversations. 

While some of those things have turned out to be true, I need to stop letting them affect me so much. I used to never let other's words or lack thereof affect me like this. I never was too in need of being accepted, but I am now. I want everyone to like and love me outwardly when I don't think that was the case before. Maybe it was, and the constant insolation has tricked me into thinking that no one likes me and has caused me to hate myself. 

I've lost the real me and I want her back. So, in an effort to do that, I'm going back to the things I know and love and am going to ignore the people that have caused these thoughts within myself. From now on, they are just coworkers, and I am me. 

I am hardworking, spiritual, loving, beautiful, kind, smart, funny and I love myself. 

That will be my new morning mantra. 

It's time to get this ugly version of myself out of my body that my mind invented and embrace the beautiful one again. 

That is my new life intention.