Shadow Work Prompt #1

I'm going to be working my way through some shadow work prompts in an effort to dive deeper into myself and learn more about my shadow. I've noticed a lot of things about myself recently that I think are shadow-related and I want to work on eradicating them. 

1. How does envy show up in my life? Where does the envy that I'm feeling stem from? 

Envy, for me, shows up in a couple of different ways: attention and success. They both go hand in hand and stem from each other. 

I get very envious of attention and when people are in the spotlight and I'm not. I feel like this stems from me being an only child until I was 11 and then that was changed and I no longer was the center of attention. So, when the attention is not on me and when I feel pushed to the side or not recognized, I get very envious. 

I also get envious of other people's success. I think this stems from me always working so hard, but feeling stagnant all the time. I feel like I'm constantly pushing myself to do better, but it never hits the mark. I know in my heart that I am successful and that I don't need outside recognition. 

How would I feel if I obtained the things I'm envious of?

Attention/having the spotlight:

If I obtained this, it would definitely have to be something I worked hard for and not just for no reason at all. I know the people I get jealous of who is in the spotlight 9 times out of 10 deserve that recognition because of how hard they work and the things they've accomplished. 

Other people's success:

I feel like I have obtained success and I need to do better at realizing my own success and let other people have their moment. 

All in all, I just need to get over myself and be happy for other people and realize everything I have right in front of me.